I never in a million years thought that I’d read parenting books. I honestly didn’t think I’d need them. But over the past several months, I have read my first parenting books. What?! I always thought that I’d just know what I’m doing. Or I thought that it wouldn’t actually help me. But you know, sometimes, we need a bit of help. And we need reminders to slow down. We need reminders, that young kids are just that, kids. That we can’t always talk to them like adults, or treat them like adults. Or that we can’t always talk to them like children, and talking to them like adults, to a degree is a bit helpful. We need reminders that kids need to be kids. That not sharing is OK. That playing that game of ninjas and jumping around is OK and that roughhousing is OK, in certain instances.
So, without any more hesitation, here are the parenting books that I have read:
It’s OK Not to Share: and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent Children by Heather Shumaker
I really liked this book. It put a lot into perspective about how and why children do things a certain way (or don’t). Every page there were topics discussed that made me stop briefly for a second and put my child in that situation – and I saw it. I feel like the author touches every little thing that children need/want/do/say. Heather touches on so many great pieces of information. She breaks the book down into 8 sections, and then sub-sections under each section. Some of the major sections include the topics of free play, emotions, sharing, space, creativity, polite / bad words, sensitive subjects and renegade rules in the real world. Within those sections, there were multiple scenerios and thoughts. None of what is written in the book is how I planned on parenting. Well, maybe in my mind, but it’s definitely not how I started out parenting. And thinking about the book now, and referencing it every now and then, I’m slowly incorporating some of the tactics in the book. Like, it’s OK not to share. when one of my children wants to play with something that the other has they run to me and are crying because they don’t have the toy. I politely say that “your brother is playing with that right now and when he’s done, he will let you know”. And then I distract them with something else. It usually works, but there are definitely times where it doesn’t. And there are times where I can’t remain that calm and collected and I’m frustrated for my child.
A lot of what is in the book makes perfect sense to me. I’m slowly adopting some of the ideas/ways that are described in the book. I am doing my best to not take to heart when my children yell ‘i hate you!’. And when kids are playing pirates, pretending they are playing with guns, I don’t tell them no. Although, I use to. But again, I’m trying to let some of that go.
There is so much that this book goes over but I can’t do the book justice. Nor, can I run a full play by play of the book without ruining it for you. Please go borrow the book from your library, buy it from a local bookstore or buy online. I really do suggest this one.
How to Talk to Kids so They Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
While my kids are only 6 and 3, I found this to be a great resource for the years to come. And I will keep it handy to help remind me to talk to my kids. I don’t know how well it would work right now, with them being so young, as when I try to talk to my youngest, all he does right now is yell back at me. Yelling to me about what he wants or needs is how he communicates a lot lately. So having a conversation doesn’t always work. And with my oldest, it could work. I’m trying this a bit more often with him, so as to avoid all the upset reactions that he has.
This book has made me realize how much the way I talk with my kids really effects them. There are some great examples of how to approach certain situations with kids so that they don’t NOT talk to or with you. And the methods that they mention make a lot of sense. There’s no need to start trying everything at once either. If you can implement one of them into your every day life, it might be beneficial.
There are little parts (assignments – with blank lines for you to write answers) throughout the book that can help challenge the way you talk during a particular situation. And it has lines in the book for you to write down your own answers. It can help you think of a different response that you could reply with. In doing the little assignments, you can see how you would typically respond to a situation. It made me stop and think of how what I was saying would make me feel as if I were in my kids shoes. So it’s helped me to some degree of changing the way I’d respond, based on the situation. I could probably go on, and spoil everything from the book in the post, but I won’t. Because I think it’s worth the read, particularly if you have older kids (well, older than mine). Although, I’m sure some of you are like, I don’t need a book to tell me how to talk to my kids. And that’s great! But some other parents (ahem, me), need a bit of guidance because they don’t feel like they are great with words.
I can say that this is one book that I will definitely keep, and reference in the future. I think it will help us have a better relationship and learn how to cope with some negative feelings from the kids. Is it strange that I can’t wait to try out some of the methods?
So there you have it. My latest reading obsession of parenting books. I would suggest if either of those peak your interest, they can be found on Amazon, or Barnes and Noble and I’m sure other places as well. I did get the paperback versions so that I could actually hold them and make notes. (yes, sometimes I like to make notes).
But feel free to let me know if you have any questions. I’m happy to try to guide you in a direction for books to read or if you have any questions on what I’ve written about in this post.
Have you read any parenting type of book that you think would be beneficial? Or was there any parenting book that you recommend? Please share with me!
PS – I’m definitely not a parenting expert – just reading up on some things that peak my interest in learning better ways to navigate this parenting role I am in.