I mentioned in my last post that there was a lot that I was learning about myself. And that in the past couple years, I feel like I’m on some sort of journey. I’m fairly certain it started when I was 35.
I’m pretty sure I hit the point where I only knew of myself as a mother, as one of the providers for my family, and felt a bit lost as to who I really was. All I was focused on was work and making sure my children had what they needed. I was supporting my husband in what he wanted to do and just let myself stay kind of stagnant. It was comfortable. I was OK with it. Every day felt like the same day. One day I was more happier than others, and others I was definitely putting up a façade as I was just drained from it all. I wasn’t even enjoying my husband’s company, as I was just so spent from my days. I was uptight, agitated, irritated, stubborn, serious and could hardly relax and truly enjoy my days. And while being serious is good, depending on the situation, I have had a hard time letting go and relaxing.
I think it was about 2 years or so ago that I had started meditating. I had heard of so many benefits people would have from it. It would clear your head. It would help you be calm. It would help you stay focused. I thought, could this really help? I cannot sit still for a long period of time and NOT think. (I’m an overthinker for sure and my mind is constantly racing, overanalyzing everything). Can I really train my brain/mind to slow down? So I decided to start meditating, and I decided to start small, with 2 minutes. This I could do. And I managed to do this for a few days. Then I moved on to 5 minutes. Alright, this isn’t so bad. I enjoyed taking 5 minutes to just try to clear my head. I then moved to 8 minutes. Ok – this is good, I think I might be able to handle more. Then I moved to 10 minutes. Wow – this is pretty cool. I could tell a difference in my attitude, my body language and much more after I was doing this. And not just the few minutes after I completed the session, but for most of the day. When I started doing this, it was during my lunch breaks at work. I would meditate, then eat my lunch and then socialize a bit before getting back to work. Sometimes I’d reverse that sequence. Also, shortly after I started meditating, I had decided that I wanted to see a therapist. So I did some research, found one, had a consult call and started going to her. Going to someone else and talking about what was going through my mind has been a HUGE help to me. I mean, I talk to my husband about a lot, but sometimes I need someone else that isn’t a part of my everyday life to go over the issues going through my mind. I digress…
Today, I meditate anywhere from 5 to 15 a minutes a day. I talk about the apps that I use in this post. And since I’m home 24/7, I have made it part of my morning routine (which I’ve mentioned about here). Sometimes I do two meditations in the morning if I’m up for it and if I feel I have time. If I can, I might try to do this in the middle of the day as well, or when my husband has finished work and can be with the kids for a little bit.
I now feel that I’m more aware of so many things. I find that I notice more things about myself and my family. I notice how I’m feeling and can verbally express myself a bit better. I can tell my children if I’m feeling a bit frustrated and ask them for a little space. For the most part, they actually listen! I think they understand more than I realize. There are times when they don’t, but I explain that mama doesn’t want to yell so I need a little time to myself. I have became so interested in self development books that they have become the majority of the books I’m reading. I have to incorporate a light, fun, or different genre book in-between all the self development and parenting books that I read. This helps me go from being a bit more serious about what I’m reading to then having some fun. I have become engulfed in books that I just cannot put them down, as I am finding these new things I’m reading about to be so fascinating. Mindfulness and self care has been on the top of my list for quite some time now. I’ve been trying to figure out the best self care for myself, but there are way too many things that I think of for self care, so I just do what I feel is right for me at any given time.
Mindfulness is something I’ve been aware of, but hardly took into any sort of consideration up until a few years ago. Mindfulness, in the Oxford Dictionary, is defined as a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
I didn’t realize that the daily meditations I was doing were mindfulness. I knew I wanted to be more present in my daily life, but I was thinking too hard about it. I thought it was a specific thing, but in reality, it’s a few things but it can be simple. It’s about being present. It’s about being aware of something. And even though it seems simple, it might be tough. Especially for me, with my mind so busy. It’s something I want to dig more into each day. Our minds can be so powerful! I’m amazed at how tapped into myself I can be when I pause and recognize what’s happening to me, with me and around me. I’m pretty sure I use mindfulness when it comes to my habits as well.
I want to step up my mindfulness game. Is that even a thing?! I want to study more about it. I want to learn more about our minds. I want to dig into it and see what else I can do to enhance my life with it. Maybe I can help you with some mindfulness. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was this excited to learn about something. It’s been a while since I’ve wanted to expand my knowledge to something else. And things that go along with it. I feel like this has made a huge difference in my everyday life and strive to continue to do so. And I want others to know and try it out too!
Do you do use mindfulness in your daily life? Does any of this resonate with you? I’d love to hear if you use mindfulness and if so what/how. Let me know how in the comments!